Tuesday, 18 April 2017
Last night I finished editing a short film which will be uploaded onto my channel on Friday, and I'm so flipping excited about it that I just needed to talk about it on here a little bit before.
I've often spoken about my struggles with anxiety and depression on my channel in the past, however I've never really spoken about my actual diagnosis of Agoraphobia, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Cyclothymia. The reason for that? I'm not really sure, but I think I should start to, because I probably have some of the most misunderstood disorders possible.
The three-and-a-half minute short film not only begins to explain some of the symptoms that I face as a result of these illnesses, but it also focuses on the difference that this diagnosis has made to my life and the treatment that I receive.
I really really hope that you enjoy it when it goes live - I will be posting the crap out of it so that you won't miss it. Eek!
Wednesday, 5 April 2017
I can basically hear my mum shouting 'NOOOOOO' as I type this, because she's the unfortunate person that a) has had to deal with me complaining about my hair every time that I cut it all off and hate it, and b) has to actually do it (being an ex-hairdresser).
But the time has come again when yes, I want a cute shorter hairstyle.
Here's the deal: I love long hair. It's gorgeous. It's pretty. It's effortless. You can mimic The Grudge and hide your face with it when you have a huge spot. All round it's pretty fantastic if your long hair resembles Rapunzel's or a Victoria's Secret model's.
But I'm gon' let you into a secret - MINE DOESN'T. My hair is thin, brittle, over-bleached, and it looks a total mess. I could grow my hair to my ideal length and still have a need for hair extensions.
So why keep it? Why not rock a cute shorter style, and then wear the extensions on the odd occasion I fancy trying to replicate Blake Lively in the hope that long hair will make me actually look like her?
It just doesn't make sense to keep it longer anymore.
I've been pinning like a mad woman at the moment trying to find the perfect style, so please follow me on Pinterest by clicking here, and also, let me know your thoughts.
Chop or no chop?
Monday, 3 April 2017
I know, you're all in shock that I'm writing a blog post, right? It feels like it's been forever, but in reality it's been three months (which is basically the same thing).
Today though, I feel great, and I wanted to document that. It's part of my new regime of journaling the moments that are awesome as well as the ones that are shit, so that I don't look back at my life in years to come and only see the shit - I want to recognise that good happened too. Because good does happen, good is happening right now.
Yesterday I drove from one junction to the next on the dual carriageway, and since then I've done it another three times.
'What is the big deal?', you ask. Well, until now, this isn't something I've been able to do without having a panic attack. For someone with agoraphobia, doing this is a HUGE deal, and I'm going to bask in the glory for a while longer regardless of if you see it as easy.
Right now I feel unstoppable. I feel elated, motivated, and I feel strong. Those are words that I would never normally describe myself as, but I feel like there's a pretty solid explanation as to why my mindset has changed.
This year I decided to stop dealing with shit. I decided not to allow people to take me for granted, I decided to stand up for what I believe in, and I decided to value myself much higher then I valued myself before.
I feel like that's where the change came. Beating my anxiety does all of those things, and with growth in those areas, comes growth in courage.
Thank you for all the lovely comments I received through texts, tweets, comments, etc - You're all amazing. If you would like to see the full vlog of my kicking anxiety's sorry little butt, click on the photo above.
Monday, 9 January 2017
|Business Cards - Purchased from Moo|
I really enjoyed Christmas and the more lifestyle-based content that came with it. Vlogmas was really fun, and who'd have ever thought they'd see a routine on my channel?! But now it's over, and I'm super excited all over again, because let me tell you - the content is changing in a big way.
2016 was really about figuring what what I wanted to create, or 'realising stuff' as Kylie Jenner so eloquently predicted. I slowly started introducing some of my new ideas towards the end of the year, whilst keeping a lot of the old ones as well. This helped me to suss out what I enjoy filming, what you guys enjoy watching, and what I'm actually pretty good at filming. I have learnt the hard way that sometimes what you enjoy watching and doing, doesn't necessarily translate well into video - DIYs were my biggest realisation and I have so much new-found respect for the Sorry Girls and all other DIY queens and kings, for being able to balance tripods overhead, whilst having the patience to literally watch paint dry and create something amazing for the beauty of a three minute video.
Now though, after much trial and error, I really feel as though I'm in a place to fully put my ideas in to action, and that's super exciting for me.
People often ask me 'Why do YouTube?', and it's really difficult to explain. I'm of the age group that just missed out on YouTube growing up, it didn't exist, and therefore many people still don't get it. They just can't fathom why I would waste my time filming, editing, promoting - all just in a bid to get people listen to me talk to myself.
But here's the deal, I do YouTube because of the feeling I have right now. Because as weird as it might sound, YouTube gets me excited. I love sharing my thoughts, feelings, views and messages with a very small percentage of the world, and I love the response I get from that. I love that I get to be creative and make whatever I want to make, in a world that requires me to work five days a week doing a similar thing every day.
So there's the answer - that's where the channel will be heading. I will be talking about what I love, and getting my teeth into as many creative projects if I can. I'll talk about positivity, empowerment, women, mental health, and anything that holds a stigma. Overall though, I'll talk about what I feel like talking about and what excites me; and that's pretty exciting.
It all starts next Friday.
Friday, 2 December 2016
Christmas is my favourite time of year by far. In about June everyone starts looking at me like a crazy person as I search for Christmas films, bust out Mariah Carey, and spend a fortune on decorations and Christmas magazines. So much so, that I mention in Vlogmas Week 1 (which will be up on Tuesday evening), that I really should be an honouree Christmas Elf.
So with that being said, I of course have crammed this month full of Christmasy festive plans to both fulfil my unrealistic desires of feeling Christmasy at all hours of the day for the next month, and so that I can hopefully pass some of that Christmas spirit onto you through my vlogs.
For those that do Vlogmas daily, the videos start today, and I for one am so bloody excited. Vlogmas gets me so excited every year and I love seeing what other people get up to. Unfortunately, I couldn't commit to everyday though - I work full time and my evenings are relatively boring and relaxed.
However, in honour of the beginning of Vlogmas today, I thought I would wet your appetites for my upcoming vlogs and share some of the amazing plans that I have coming up (all of which I plan to share with you).
- Christmas Quiz Night - TONIGHT OMG AHSHSDHTGUHEBDIDSSFS (excited slightly)
- Driving round to find the best Christmas lights around
- Putting up Christmas decorations
- Nadia Kour is visiting to have some Christmasy fun
- Seeing carol singers
- Christmas baking
- Watching Miracle on 34th Street in the theatre
- Christmas meal with the girls
- Ice skating
- Beauty advent calendar hauls
- Christmas song carpooling
- Visiting a Christmas grotto
- Pantomime with the girls and their children on Christmas Eve
- Christmas Eve drinks in the pub
Subscribe to my channel now by clicking here so that you don't miss out on any of it. I'm so excited for everything that's coming up and I hope you enjoy watching it all as much as I'm most definitely going to enjoy filming it!
Thursday, 24 November 2016
Saturday, 19 November 2016
I've just been sat watching a short clip of a makeup tutorial on Facebook, and then casually scrolled through the comments afterwards to see people's thoughts. Around 90% of these thoughts were surrounding the amount of makeup that the woman was wearing, rather than discussing, praising, or indeed critiquing the makeup itself.
Here's the thing: Just because you like to wear little or no makeup, not everyone else does. Just because you like to look as natural as possible, not everyone else does. Just because you hate the feeling of makeup on your face, not everyone else does. And by being different to you, it doesn't necessarily make that person fake, insecure, slutty, or whatever other explanatory adjectives people want to throw around.
It's no secret that my oldest friend, Han/Wan/Wannie/Wanchester/Bob/Hanny Fake Tanny/Hannah Wilding (depending on how you know her), is a lover of wearing a lot of makeup at times, and she looks bloody amazing doing it. But I remember back at school when makeup first started to be introduced to us, and that wasn't always the case. Instead, we had a conversation - which went a bit like this:
Han: I'm going to get clear mascara, because I don't want everyone to think I'm a slut if they see I'm wearing makeup.
Me: OK, good plan.
NO. NOT GOOD PLAN. TERRIBLE PLAN. Teenage-Han, if you wanna wear clear mascara then that's amazing, but if you wanna wear blacker-than-black, crappy, budget, clumpy mascara then you should bloody do that, regardless of what you think a bunch of snotty year 8 boys are gonna say!
The fact is though, of course it was hard for Han to do that; everyone is always looking for a reason that people want to wear a lot of makeup because they're nosey bastards with little else to do, and they'll probably share those reasons with the entire world because obviously it's everyone elses business.
Those possible reasons might go something like this:
- Maybe the person is trying to cover the acne on their face, contour a feature to make it seem smaller, or maybe actually they're trying to turn themself into someone else. (But if that is the case, that's really sad, and the last thing we should be doing is throwing digs at them).
- Maybe the person is artistic and creative and uses their face as a canvas. (That's bloody brilliant, artistic outlets should be celebrated).
- Maybe the person likes to impress other people, and probably sleeps with any breathing human. (Ridiculous).
- And maybe, just maybe, the person wants to wear a lot of makeup for no reason other than because they like it. (Surely it can't be as simple as that?)
Whilst these points are just 'maybes', here's something I can tell you for definite:
It is not your role to decipher which of these reasons are the case, and it's not your role to decide whether or not that's a good enough reason.
If you want to wear a lot of makeup, do that. If you want to wear no makeup, do that. And whichever you do, own it.
|Han (wearing a fair amount of makeup these days and looking beaut - shocker!) She also has a brilliant|
blog where she talks makeup and other stuff, so check itout:
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