Monday, 9 January 2017

New Year, New Content

Business Cards - Purchased from Moo

I really enjoyed Christmas and the more lifestyle-based content that came with it. Vlogmas was really fun, and who'd have ever thought they'd see a routine on my channel?! But now it's over, and I'm super excited all over again, because let me tell you - the content is changing in a big way.

2016 was really about figuring what what I wanted to create, or 'realising stuff' as Kylie Jenner so eloquently predicted. I slowly started introducing some of my new ideas towards the end of the year, whilst keeping a lot of the old ones as well. This helped me to suss out what I enjoy filming, what you guys enjoy watching, and what I'm actually pretty good at filming. I have learnt the hard way that sometimes what you enjoy watching and doing, doesn't necessarily translate well into video - DIYs were my biggest realisation and I have so much new-found respect for the Sorry Girls and all other DIY queens and kings, for being able to balance tripods overhead, whilst having the patience to literally watch paint dry and create something amazing for the beauty of a three minute video.

Now though, after much trial and error, I really feel as though I'm in a place to fully put my ideas in to action, and that's super exciting for me.

People often ask me 'Why do YouTube?', and it's really difficult to explain. I'm of the age group that just missed out on YouTube growing up, it didn't exist, and therefore many people still don't get it. They just can't fathom why I would waste my time filming, editing, promoting - all just in a bid to get people listen to me talk to myself.

But here's the deal, I do YouTube because of the feeling I have right now. Because as weird as it might sound, YouTube gets me excited. I love sharing my thoughts, feelings, views and messages with a very small percentage of the world, and I love the response I get from that. I love that I get to be creative and make whatever I want to make, in a world that requires me to work five days a week doing a similar thing every day.

So there's the answer - that's where the channel will be heading. I will be talking about what I love, and getting my teeth into as many creative projects if I can. I'll talk about positivity, empowerment, women, mental health, and anything that holds a stigma. Overall though, I'll talk about what I feel like talking about and what excites me; and that's pretty exciting.

It all starts next Friday.
Happy 2017.
L x


Friday, 2 December 2016

Christmas Plans

Christmas is my favourite time of year by far. In about June everyone starts looking at me like a crazy person as I search for Christmas films, bust out Mariah Carey, and spend a fortune on decorations and Christmas magazines. So much so, that I mention in Vlogmas Week 1 (which will be up on Tuesday evening), that I really should be an honouree Christmas Elf.

So with that being said, I of course have crammed this month full of Christmasy festive plans to both fulfil my unrealistic desires of feeling Christmasy at all hours of the day for the next month, and so that I can hopefully pass some of that Christmas spirit onto you through my vlogs.

For those that do Vlogmas daily, the videos start today, and I for one am so bloody excited. Vlogmas gets me so excited every year and I love seeing what other people get up to. Unfortunately, I couldn't commit to everyday though - I work full time and my evenings are relatively boring and relaxed.

However, in honour of the beginning of Vlogmas today, I thought I would wet your appetites for my upcoming vlogs and share some of the amazing plans that I have coming up (all of which I plan to share with you).

  • Christmas Quiz Night - TONIGHT OMG AHSHSDHTGUHEBDIDSSFS (excited slightly)
  • Driving round to find the best Christmas lights around
  • Putting up Christmas decorations
  • Nadia Kour is visiting to have some Christmasy fun
  • Seeing carol singers
  • Christmas baking
  • Watching Miracle on 34th Street in the theatre
  • Christmas meal with the girls
  • Ice skating
  • Beauty advent calendar hauls
  • Christmas song carpooling
  • Visiting a Christmas grotto
  • Pantomime with the girls and their children on Christmas Eve
  • Christmas Eve drinks in the pub
and on top of all that... FOUR CHRISTMAS THEMED MAIN VIDEOS

Subscribe to my channel now by clicking here so that you don't miss out on any of it. I'm so excited for everything that's coming up and I hope you enjoy watching it all as much as I'm most definitely going to enjoy filming it!

Thursday, 24 November 2016

Birthday Look

I thought I would just share my fancy birthday look with you all!
You can purchase my top here, it's just beautiful!!


Saturday, 19 November 2016

Too Much Makeup

I've just been sat watching a short clip of a makeup tutorial on Facebook, and then casually scrolled through the comments afterwards to see people's thoughts. Around 90% of these thoughts were surrounding the amount of makeup that the woman was wearing, rather than discussing, praising, or indeed critiquing the makeup itself.

Here's the thing: Just because you like to wear little or no makeup, not everyone else does. Just because you like to look as natural as possible, not everyone else does. Just because you hate the feeling of makeup on your face, not everyone else does. And by being different to you, it doesn't necessarily make that person fake, insecure, slutty, or whatever other explanatory adjectives people want to throw around.

It's no secret that my oldest friend, Han/Wan/Wannie/Wanchester/Bob/Hanny Fake Tanny/Hannah Wilding (depending on how you know her), is a lover of wearing a lot of makeup at times, and she looks bloody amazing doing it. But I remember back at school when makeup first started to be introduced to us, and that wasn't always the case. Instead, we had a conversation - which went a bit like this:

Han: I'm going to get clear mascara, because I don't want everyone to think I'm a slut if they see I'm wearing makeup.

Me: OK, good plan. 

NO. NOT GOOD PLAN. TERRIBLE PLAN. Teenage-Han, if you wanna wear clear mascara then that's amazing, but if you wanna wear blacker-than-black, crappy, budget, clumpy mascara then you should bloody do that, regardless of what you think a bunch of snotty year 8 boys are gonna say!

The fact is though, of course it was hard for Han to do that; everyone is always looking for a reason that people want to wear a lot of makeup because they're nosey bastards with little else to do, and they'll probably share those reasons with the entire world because obviously it's everyone elses business.

Those possible reasons might go something like this:

  1. Maybe the person is trying to cover the acne on their face, contour a feature to make it seem smaller, or maybe actually they're trying to turn themself into someone else. (But if that is the case, that's really sad, and the last thing we should be doing is throwing digs at them).
  2. Maybe the person is artistic and creative and uses their face as a canvas. (That's bloody brilliant, artistic outlets should be celebrated). 
  3. Maybe the person likes to impress other people, and probably sleeps with any breathing human. (Ridiculous). 
  4. And maybe, just maybe, the person wants to wear a lot of makeup for no reason other than because they like it. (Surely it can't be as simple as that?)

Whilst these points are just 'maybes', here's something I can tell you for definite:
It is not your role to decipher which of these reasons are the case, and it's not your role to decide whether or not that's a good enough reason. 

If you want to wear a lot of makeup, do that. If you want to wear no makeup, do that. And whichever you do, own it.

Han (wearing a fair amount of makeup these days and looking beaut - shocker!) She also has a brilliant
blog where she talks makeup and other stuff, so check itout:


Saturday, 5 November 2016

Monday, 31 October 2016

Recognising Progress

Recently I've been feeling pretty crappy. Not only does my anxiety progress seemed to have plateaued a bit, it also seems to have declined and I feel as though I'm going backwards.

I'm so fed up of turning down opportunities and putting my life on hold until things improve - because really I have no other choice. I want to get better, and it's so annoying that I don't seem to be doing that.

Today though, the above photo came up on my TimeHop. I have a love/hate relationship with TimeHop as it often shows me my life at happier points; laughing in my face by showing me what I used to be capable of. But today's photo was different, and I needed to see it.

This photo was taken on the first night I felt able enough to go for a drink. I walked to the end of the road, walked into that bar and had a beer before heading home. I was so proud of myself (which I think you can see by my face), because whilst it may not seem like a massive deal to you, or even to me anymore, I hadn't been able to do anything as simple as that.

Only a few weeks before, I couldn't leave my little flat, and only days before I couldn't sit in one place long enough to do anything - never mind drink a pint of beer. And that was only one year ago.

So I guess I needed to see this photo today because it reminded me of how far I've come. When I feel as though I'm not progressing, photos like this show me that I am. It's OK if sometimes progress is slow and stops for a little while. Back then it was even slower if I really think back to it.

Recovering from anxiety, especially a form as brutal and life-restricting as agoraphobia, is never going to be easy or upwards all the time. Sometimes it's going to be shit and frustrating.

I should give myself a break more often.


Friday, 28 October 2016

Shout Out to My Ex

Hearing that song for the first time I had two simultaneous thoughts come to my mind immediately. I was sat at home, watching Little Mix perform on the X Factor stage (absolutely killin' it), and my first reaction was, 'what an awesome song for anyone that's recently single'; because let's face it, it's full of girl-power, I-don't-need-no-man mentality - which is true, you don't need no man. Remember that, ladies.

But as I heard that thought make it's way into my brain, my second thought hit me like a ton of bricks and shot the first idiotic thought the fuck down: 'no, Lauren - that's not fair'. 

The truth is, yes I'm recently single (it was May - I'm not sure how long I can keep justifying it as recently so that people don't encourage me to start dating again), but those lyrics couldn't be any further from the truth in terms of how that break up made me feel and the guy in which the break up was from. 

Break ups are never fun, regardless of who's choice it is and whether or not it's the best decision in the long run. Break ups are shitty, fuckwits of a situation which I have (to be brutally honest) put off going through in the past when it should have been done a year previous. But in the same breath, they're not always horrific ordeals where one person has cheated, where one person is completely blind sighted and doesn't see it coming, or when one person texts the other to end it (sorry, Perrie!). 

Sometimes break ups are mutual, and sometimes you could see them coming for a while but didn't want to admit it. And that was the case with this break up.

People often ask me what went wrong with my ex and expect me to go on some sort of crazy, riled-up rant about how much of a shit excuse for a human being he is. People want a definite answer of who didn't want to be with who, and people try to make me feel better about the situation by slagging the other half off. 

But here's the situation - to go on some kind of rant would be unfair. My ex is a great person, and he was my best friend for four years. In fact we're still friends. My ex and I came to a mutual agreement to end our relationship because we didn't work, and that was neither of our faults. No one in a relationship should have to change so much of themselves that they no longer recognise themselves, no one should have to move at a pace that they're uncomfortable with, and no one should have to sacrifice what they want out of life for the other. 

Neither of us were to blame, but both of us could have handled situations differently over the four years. We're also just people though, and people don't get it right 100% of the time. 

I think we both learnt a lot about ourselves (I know I did), but there's still a lot that I want to learn - 
and that's why I'm single. I don't need to 'get back out there', or throw myself back into a relationship. I want to spend a little time by myself, figuring myself out, and working some of my issues out; without involving another person. I want to be selfish for a bit, and that's OK. 

So my shout out to my ex is simple (whilst maybe not as sassy or catchy as the one that Little Mix give): find somebody brilliant and find somebody that gives you everything that you want, because you're brilliant and deserve no less.

Go 'head babe, I'mma live my life, my life... (still a tune).